有道词典 人人网官方认证

#争当词王赢单词扑克# 请打开单词本,数数那些年默默添加的单词,show出来吧!如果你是“词王”请接受众人膜拜。如果你不是,也有机会赢得有道单词卡片扑克哦!活动http://jxsmx.cn/fAY652 2013-07-30
上一篇     下一篇 共188篇  

如何搭讪 2012年11月13日 10:51:26

每一段相识都要经过那个步骤。可总有些人永远处理不好这开始的第一个步骤。第一印象非常重要,它决定了人们否愿意和你深入交流,还是环顾四周寻找出口。心理学家们花费数年时间,对各种搭讪方式的效果做了详尽的研究,感谢他们吧,光棍们。

Every relationship begins with that first step. Some people never get past that first step. First impressions matter, and our opening few lines can either energize the interaction, or cause the other person to look around for the nearest exit. Gratefully, psychologists have spent years of celibacy trying to understand the psychology behind pick-up lines for your own benefit.

In the '80s, Chris Kleinke and colleagues analyzed the effectiveness of 100 pick-up lines across a number of different settings, including bars, supermarkets, restaurants, laundromats, and beaches. They found three main categories of openers: direct gambits, which are honest and get right to the point (e.g, "I'm sort of shy, but I'd like to get to know you"), innocuous gambits, which hide a person's true intentions ("e.g., "What do you think of this band?"), and cute/flippant gambits, which involve humor, but often in a cheesy, canned way (e.g., "Do you have any raisins? No? Well then, how about a date?".)*

在80年代,Chris Kleinke 和他的同事们研究了100多种搭讪方式在包括酒吧,超市,酒店,洗衣店和沙滩等不同场景下的效果。他们把搭讪方式分为三大类:单刀直入式,诚实的说出自己的想法和目的(比如说,“我有点害羞,但我还是想认识你”);今天天气哈哈哈式,掩藏目的,故作它言(例如,“你对着品牌有什么看法?”);卖萌耍贱式,貌似是幽默,但通常看起来有点贱(例如,“妹子你有葡萄干么?没有?那你有约会么?”)。

Both men and women agreed that cute/flippant pick-up lines were the least attractive. Women, however, preferred innocuous lines and had a greater aversion to cute/flippant lines than men, while men had a greater preference for direct opening gambits than women. This basic pattern has been found over and over again in a variety of settings, including singles bars. What's going on?

 无论男女都同意,耍贱的方式都是最差的开场白。女性跟喜欢婉约的今天天气哈哈哈式,并且比男性更厌恶耍贱的,而男性多数更喜欢直白的开场白。这种情况在所有场景都得到反复的验证。这是为什么呢?

Trait perception plays a crucial role. We don't have direct access to a person's characteristics, so we infer underlying traits from overt behaviors. One study found that people perceive those who use innocuous lines as smarter and sexier than those who use cute/flippant lines. Another study found that while women perceived men who use silly pick-up lines as more sociable, confident, and funny, they also perceived them as less trustworthy and intelligent. While all these traits are certainly valued in a mate, research shows that low trustworthiness and low intelligence are deal breakers for a long-term relationship, overriding other "luxuries", such as humor and confidence.

性格成见在此扮演了一个十分重要的角色。我们无法直接的了解他人的性格特点,于是我们依靠他们的行为举止来判断。一份研究报告表明,人们普遍认为婉约的方式比耍贱的方式看上去更聪明和性感。另一份研究表明,女人们认为那些搭讪时表现的傻乎乎的男性更加成熟,自信和幽默,同时又觉得他们不够可靠和智慧。

Women are rightfully skeptical of cute/flippant pick-up lines: researchshows that those with a long-term mating strategy tend to use supportive and honest pick-up strategies, whereas those with a short-term strategy tend to use manipulation and dishonesty. I should note that when a woman is looking for a short-term fling, it may be an entirely different story: one study conducted on college students found that women were willing to have a short-term fling with men they were attracted to, regardless of the content of his pick-up lines! More stable individual differences also play a role, with extraverts and those with a general orientation toward hook-ups vs. long-term committed relationships, more receptive to humor and sexually charged pick-up lines.

女性对耍贱式搭讪的厌恶非常合理:一份调查显示,那些想要发展一段长期稳定关系的都倾向于使用诚实直接的搭讪方式,而那些只想玩玩的多数会采用不是那么真诚的方式来搭讪。另外,我发现,如果是女在寻找一段露水情,那么事情就完全不同了:一份基于在校大学生的调查指出,女性如果想和他们心仪的男性来段露水,无论什么开场白都不会影响成功率。个体差异也是影响搭讪感受的重要因素,那些外向、奔放的人比那些安稳老实的更能接受幽默和带黄段子的搭讪方式。

While all these findings are informative, they don't address moment-to-moment mental fluctuations. We're not machines, with a steady supply of cognitive resources on command. Receptivity to pick-up lines involves cognitive processing, which requires thought. A certain amount of mental energy is required to follow the conversation and cut through the bullhonkey to figure out a person's true intentions. But your mental state at any given moment is influenced by a number of factors, including how much stress you've experienced that day, or even just before the current conversation. If you've already been hit by a barrage of cute/flippant lines, your brain may feel a bit fatigued.

就算以上都符合了,被搭讪者当时的心理状况也会影响搭讪的效果。我们不是机器,输入相同的信息就会给出相同的反应。被搭讪人当时心中所想不同,对搭讪的接受程度和反应都会不同。想要得到精确的答案,就必须知道被搭讪人当时准确的心理状况。但是人的心理状态确实难以预测,它会受到各种影响,包括最近生活的压力,甚至是刚才的对话所产生的情绪。比如你被人用耍贱的方式搭讪了好几次,可能就会对此产生厌恶感,下次有人继续用此方式来搭讪就会效果很差。

Cognitive fatigue matters. When your mind is taxed, it is much more difficult to process information and regulate your emotions, thoughts, and actions. Like a muscle, self-control is a limited resource: when fatigued, it's hard to flex it. This has important implications for interpersonal relationships: people in monogamous relationships whose brains are tired spend more time looking at attractive potential mates, are more likely to accept a coffee date from an attractive person, report more interest in an attractive person who is not their partner, and are more likely to actually cheat.

疲劳感是个很麻烦的东西。当大脑疲劳时,它就不愿意处理信息,也不愿意调动情绪,想法和行动。大脑如同肌肉与自控力,都有他们的极限,一旦突破,要恢复过来,就很漫长。这件事在人际关系中有着很重要的影响:比如说,当人们处于一段稳定的一夫一妻的关系中时,他们就不再回去寻找另一段稳定的关系,而是希望能有一位充满异性魅力的对象来一次激情刺激短暂的约会,那些与他们伴侣截然不同的魅力异性的形同背叛的约会,会让他们感到极大的快感。

But how does this relate to receptivity to pick-up lines? Does a person's mental state affect how a pick-up line is perceived? In a recent study, Gary Lewandowski and colleagues gave 99 undergraduates a five-minute writing task in which they were asked to describe a recent trip. In the "ego-depletion" condition, students were told they couldn't use the lett

...
注册或登录后查看完整内容

阅读(1882)| 评论(0)

玩转人人 公共主页 公众平台 客服帮助 隐私

商务合作 品牌营销 中小企业
自助广告
开放平台

公司信息 关于我们 人人公益 招聘

友情链接 经纬网 人人游戏 人人分期

人人移动客户端下载 iPhone/Android iPad客户端 其他人人产品